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Kiya · Mar 04, 2012, 11:37 PM

I have thought a lot about this as my parents and grandparent age. My guess is it will be just as Stumpy has said (and the dad's mom included in the "I don't care about" camp. I do worry about what it might bring up for me. I do imagine I will mourn over my mom even though she was one of my earliest abusers and continued to be a toxic relationship (still is but now at least I got out from her house). Like it has been said - there is no right or wrong way to feel after the death of an abuser. Best to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stumpy

got it 100%...hate my evil father 100%..don't miss him at all..no regrets.

but the mother....there were some good points to her even tho she was abusive. in her own way she taught me many things...was she evil & wrong? yes. but she gave to me a love of history, reading, & other things...

i think for most people there is some good...(not all)...so that is what causes the conflict. i did not get to say good bye to eitehr one of my parents before they died. i feel sad for my mother...she should not have passed alone as she was...him..i don't give a crap about.

so i get your conflict. i don't dance on either one of their graves...altho i have been to neither of their graves (never to my mom's) in many years.

also...there is safety in what was known...even in if it wasn't safe..if that makes sense.