Well I can fully relate to the idea of smoke and mirrors when trying to present yourself to those around you. I'm very much the same way. I have spent my entire life making people think that I am more "together" than I really am. People think I am smart, calm and thoughtful. They think that I am driven and confident, when I am SO completely the opposite of EVERYTHING that they think I am. And therein lies some of the problem. I feel like I have been burdened with all of these expectations of people that think I am such a great guy and when I look at myself in the mirror and think in my own head I'm like "If you guys only knew the truth". It makes me feel small and worthless knowing that I'm not the awesome person that everyone thinks that I am. I feel that all of that praise is wasted on me when other people deserve it much more.

That's the hardest thing with living with this "disorder". It's hard for other people to really understand why you feel the way you do, especially when there is nothing "physically" wrong with you. People see you as aloof and disinterested and even weird or snobby many times, but inside you want nothing more that to be able to talk to people, strangers even, normally like so many other people are able to do. But it just doesn't seem to work. It's a hard thing to explain and it's a hard thing to try to even understand yourself.