my experience with thought insertion started in college. i have a room to myself. the walls are concrete but hollow enough to hear people talking from the next room. i locked myself in and smoked weed by myself. after a while people were talking about me trying to mess up my high. they were talking outloud through the window while i had my music up. but everytime i looked saw nothing. they were messing with me. they would walk by my room talking alot of trash in order to see if i would react. in order to see if i had enough heart to respond. i never did. so then i started being unsure of whether i heard them say something or not further enhancing my paranoia because i would hear them talking then lower down the tv to hear what they were saying. they picked on to it and started %#@&#! with me whenever i turned up my stereo then id turn it down nd hear niothing. this messed my head up because voices were faintly being formed through background noises at a distance which started groing in my head. hearing negative stuff for so long i stasrted forming negative thoughts in my head or they were being inserted because there were words i had never used before that i started hearing such as bashfull. i say shy i never used bashful. or "he has no energy left. he has no man power left. he has psychological energy" these are phrases i have never heard of in my life. i believe i got so mentally low because i lived a good 7 years of my life on the internet in chatrooms, talking randomly without using my voice, therefore losing my expressions as in laughter and such and there for making my thought patterns abnorm to the common people who grew up relating to people on a day to day basis. and also i think i might of lose my cabability to form thoughts in my head that sounds like me. instead its like im talking under my breath thinking im using my head but really im not. there fore making my thoughts louder than most bringing about thought broadcasting.
i damn near had a nervous breakdown when i felt like people were hearing my thoughts. when i would say some random %#@&#! through my head people would laugh and bang on the walls and i could of sworn when i said something to myself in my head like "oh %#@&#! wtf is happening to me" some one would walk past my door and say "whats wrong with kevin, he's thinking "oh %#@&#! wtf is happening to me" ..wtf is that %#@&#!? i could of sworn on everything i love.
i realize now that these past 10 years of shutting myself away from life and escaping to the internet, downloading music and being on chatrooms has scrambled the natural way my mind should have developed. i lost contact with people and i didnt realize why its hard for me to come up with something to say till now. i reealize that i lost my way. because im nigerian and lived a sheltered life but started hanging with hood niggas around the age of 18, changing how i talk and walk, always smoking weed and drinking, and getting put in my place, and not being able to get girls that the reason why i wasnt able to was because i lost my way. now in college i realize that i was supposed to be a white nigerian since i wasnt brought up in the hood and around older black people. i see now that i lost my ways. but then from me isolating myself in my room and smoking weed by myself and trying to ignore confrontation i have now lost my mind. i hear people in my mind talking %#@&#! saying "you ******, u lost ya ways, no girl wants you, you cant come back, "Ha Ha", your bashfull, your living the mental institution life, your not coming back, you were supposed to be a lady's man" ..i realized from me always being quiet in my room, that i started listening to closely to people in the room above me and faintly the voices got louder through time. and they knew this. they were trying to make me go crazy. criticizing my every word.
i realized that i wasnt supposed to be a gay man but a lady's man that went mental from not coming out to the world. now i keep hearing people say that i'm inverting myself, that theres no energy left in my body and in my mind..how can i get my mind back?

and i apologize for rambling in poor format but i have little time.
another thing i noticed is that when i am reading a book to myself i cant read it with my mind. i try to and it's like im forced to say it even with my mouth closed. its like i feel the words trying to come out from inside of me when i try to hear mysef read with my mind. its like im stopping my breathes. i asked somebody about this and they told me that they have a inner voice in their mind basically for reading as well as thinking to oneself. i dreadfully think i lost that voice in order to think correctly.
recently i been having this dreadfull feeling that i need to get something off my chest in order to just converse with some one but i never have anything interesting to say because sometimes my mind is always consumed with what people r saying even in my house. ever since i returned from college my own family have been constantly talking indirectly towards me but im so unsure if they are saying what they are saying. it's the weirdest coincidence that this occurred right after my terrible college experience. i can hear peoples thoughts. i try to think to myself but its not working i just hear there thought saying "why are you going phycho for?" even in the shower when i play music, im uncertain but, it seems my whole family is shouting at me saying "your such a gay actor, your a mental institute, acting like you dont hear, oh look at him get so emotional"..now ever since college i get emotional over the littlest thing that before college i never would. its hard to even have a conversation now without being teary eyed and unstable. something definately is not right with me.