I hope you find this helpful. If your therapists say your depression is rooted in childhood abuse, but you think that is iffy, then have you suggested to the therapists "ok, but let's set that aside and focus on the now; I want to be well enough to take a shower"? If you have a chronic depressive mood, then have any of your therapists worked with you on how to live with a chronic depressive mood? Maybe we are not all designed to be blissfully happy, happy every moment of the day. For me, my depression is rooted in my childhood, but regardless, even when I am not seriously depressed, I am just not the giddy 'bubbly' type so many people expect women to be. It occurs to me, too, that if you have to energy to type out well-written posts in communication with others, then you do have the energy to take a shower. Have you ever had ECT? I understand it is out of favor now, but perhaps it is worth asking the doctor about. Finally, I can't help but think that depression can in some ways become a bad habit; if that is true, then it can be mitigated or broken.