I started self harming when I was 18, and we lived in the house we do now. It was my senior year of high school. I dream about being in our old house a lot though. I guess maybe I think of it as home more than I do this one? I don't know.
I am in therapy. She's been trying to get me to talk about my childhood more, but I don't think there's anything to say about it. I did write about how I felt about myself growing up and something that my dad did that I didn't like in my journal (which was when we were kids sharing a room in the old house).
I don't think it was so much that I was disgusted with them. I was trying not to hurt them walking on the carpet, but was trying to hide them so that noone would see what I had done. I always tried to hide my self injury even when my parents and some other friends and family found out. I still tried to hide it from them.
I am trying to figure out where to go now in a way. T keeps asking me if I really want help from her because I apparently don't try anything she suggests. Which I'll admit I only try about half of what she suggests, but I just don't see how the other half will help me any. And she's trying to get me to make goals for myself and get me motivated and stuff but I just don't get it. I mean, what's the big deal if I don't have plans for my life or what I want out of life? Why does she care if I don't know what I want to do with my life? I'm just now seeing things settle down from my tics being so bad (I recently found out I have tourette) and everything is just starting to feel normal after always having doc appointments and such. I mean, I'm 22, and I live with my parents. I can't afford to move out right now. Things are just now starting to settle down, and no, I don't have plans or know what I want out of life or what I want to do in life. Is that such a bad thing?!?!