I have trouble with this too. However, I am not connected with the past. I can't cry. I'm just the observer reporting what I know of the past. How to sit with the pain?? That's a mystery to me. I'm sorry I'm not of more help, but I do think I understand what you are saying. For me, the pain is in the depression and anxiety of today. Once I walk into that therapy room, though, I don't seem to feel anything except discomfort at being there.