My husband is only 22, and we struggle sometimes. Sometimes he just, can't perform. And it's not physical, I have learned, it's totally mental. He was sexually abused multiple times as a child, from the age of 4 to the age of 12. Anything sexual to him makes him feel unbelievably guilty, especially "good sex". He doesn't form an emotional bond with me through sex, it's simply a way to obtain pleasure that links him back to that scared little boy who felt badly about himself. We haven't been able to overcome it yet, but I hope someday to be a part of his recovery. It sounds like your husband is hiding something about his family. Could he be hiding something like this from you? Shame is a big mood kill.