I am wondering if anyone can enlighten me on a few things. From the ages of about 7 years old to about 10 years old I was sexually abused by my cousin. At least I think I was.....

My cousin was 14 to 16 years old during this time and would make me get into bed with him or get into bed with me and would touch me, make me touch him, or would rub against me until he ejaculated all on me. For some reason I don't ever remember telling him 'no' but do remember not wanting to participate, feeling scared, and being frightened by his ejaculation, because at that age I didn't know what it was.

If I didn't say 'no' is it still abuse? That is my first question. Secondly, I just don't know HOW he got me to comply with his wishes.....but somehow I obeyed. My mind goes completely BLANK when I try to remember what he said or did to get me to let him do these things! Is this normal???? Why can't I remember?????

I feel like because I can't remember things, maybe I'm just making it up? Maybe it's all in my head?? I'm afraid people will think I'm an imposter and just trying to get attention because. I haven't said anything to anyone for 25 years.