i'm mainly very angry with myself.
it seems like the past two months have been full of bad news, but i somehow managed to keep myself sane at least for the most part. within the last year i got more productive and seemed to be managing my emotions fairly well, so recently i let myself get into a relationship.
being the paranoid person i am, i kept a good distance so in case it doesn't work out, the breakup wouldn't ruin me.
this week didn't seem any better as far as bad news. i found out that i might be automatically disqualified from what i really want to do (career/future). i also had a couple of other situations/problems that were no fun; and getting sick while this was happening.
the end of my week, my bf tells me he can't take the distance anymore (he was ok with it at first). so that last event brought everything down and i'm so angry at myself for letting myself go. since the breakup was the last straw it made me feel like i'm utterly depressed from it, when i know it was the other stuff.
i'm still mad at myself for: being overly confident thinking i was good, letting the breakup be the last straw, being so depressed again which causes me to be more sad about EVERYTHING including the breakup. i'm hoping this will pass soon, because i can't clean up my own mess if i make it. i've tried exercising (intensely), hung out with a couple of friends (but a lot of them are busy with school/work), and i'm keeping myself away from the mall because i'll go on a spending spree.
i'm so upset, because i know that when i'm better and more "rational" i'm gonna feel stupid for making myself be so upset about the breakup.