Bein a mom was the greatest thing I have ever experienced but being a mom that is bipolar 2.. is another story. I have a 7 yr old daughter and my son is almost 4. My uncontrollable reckless life is not what they deserve. Its not possible for me to have a healthy relationship so Im single and their dad only sees them oh.. few times a year. My daughter is so normal, she looks at me and I feel like she distances herself from me. She spends all her time at my moms house. she wouldnt come home to my house if i didnt put a guilt trip on her (about twice a week) I feel letting her stay with my mom is best so she doesnt have to deal with me. My son is me.. he has the same devil inside him that has possessed me my entire life.. He was permanently kicked out of head start, a program they said was designed for kids that were behind, special, and poor kids. They worked with him at first. taught him signs b/c his little brain worked faster than his mouth could possibly spit anything out. He screamed 23 hours a day and I am not exaggerating as a new mom you want to fix what ever is wrong with your baby and I couldnt. He only slept 45min to an hour n 15 min at a time before waking up screaming agian. He hated to be held close or loved which made it hard to bond with him from the moment he was born. Finally when he was 10 months old my mom and I were exhausted and entered him in early head start. I was so scared someone would hurt him from stress or aggravation of him screaming. It was traumatizing for both of us. I cried he cried and I took him to dr after dr. they told me he would be ADD and they could medicate him when he was 4! I would take him home and we would all be miserable together. Around 14-15 months he started sleeping 1-2 hours at a time around 2yrs sleepin 3-4hrs at time. and now almost 4 he still wakes me up atleast 2 times a night. He was kicked out of headstart before 3 for abusing the teachers and other kids. His anger is unreal, his mood swings are crazier than mine, he is the sweetest kindest loving little boy and then he has this look in his eyes and its like someone else took over his body and watch out! or he might switch in to bouncing mode.. and he cant do anything except move, and fast, bouncing off the walls, he could climb the cabinets by age2. He has had sensory issues since birth, makes him do things like lick a random person walking by. He cycles, and our cycles together are crazy. He is just as spontaneous as I am, He lives for anything that is dangerous. He has no fear except loud noises. Severe separation issues. Now that he talks he stutters to an extreme. I think his little mind races as mine does making it hard to say what he is thinking. Everything about him for my mother is like looking at me again when I was little. And everyday I have to live with the fact that I did it to him. Had I adopted or not had kids He wouldnt have been born with the devil inside him. I love my kids and I do the best I can for them but I know that being Bipolar 2/not medicated is gonna have a negative impact in their lives. I only hope I can love and support my sons every decision as my mother has done for me. I dont know if I am capable though... I turn my emotions and love off like a light switch, not meaning to I close people especially loved ones off and become cold. I cant fix myself how am I ever gonna help him?? If you have a baby its a 50/50 chance of having ur disorder. Does that bother you? Is your bipolar being managed? and how will it impact your childs life. There is more to it than just having a baby. Its not bad to want or have a baby if your bipolar.. You should just think about the big picture and the effects on everyone's life that is involved. I love my kids.. But If I would have realized what I was doing I think I would have made different decisions, not saying I wouldnt have them but maybe I would have had a better understanding of bipolar and the effects on kids n family. I had no Idea it could be genetic.. I thought I was just a bad seed growing up..