(((( granite ))))

This is so hard.

I learned at a very young age that the only way to stay safe was to be quiet and cooperate.

When I shared parts of my CSA with T, it was when I was in crisis after being severely triggered by witnessing inappropriate sexual behavior between two young children next door. I spiraled downwards fast....and that's when a lot of my story was told to T...It has taken us nearly 3 years since then, and I am still barely touching the surface of the work that needs to be done on it....because I, too, shut down way too easily and have the most difficult time talking about it.

And all of your concerns are soooo valid and soooo real. Learning coping skills to handle the excess energy from telling was something that I didn't know about...So I resorted to a lot of unhealthy ways to get through it. It scares me to go back there, to do that work, because of those overwhelming feelings.

What my T says is that I have to remind myself that I am an adult now and am safe. But it's so hard to do when you're spiraling out of control. I get that.

I hope you find the courage to address this with T. Try to figure out what you need in order to feel safe enough to talk about it, and come up with a strategy with T to address whatever fears you have.

(((( HUGS ))))