Dear T,

WOW, you sure scared me today!! Are you reading my posts here? Wait, don't answer that. I think I might rather not know for sure. I'll just go on from now assuming you ARE and therefore will not post anything here I wouldn't want you reading.

But WOW. I really don't think I'm being paranoid. That thing you did today... it totally makes me think you read that post I made about that very topic. It was just so out of the context of how things normally go, so it made me super suspicious. Coincidence? Well, if you do the same thing the next time I see you, I'll take that as a definite "yes, I read that post." For the record, I was just being silly. I would hate to think if you DID read it, you became self-conscious about it enough to completely change your routine.

It was hard for me to talk today because the whole session I was thinking about this... scared/embarrassed you may have read all this embarrassing stuff I've posted over the last month or so. Why was I that stupid to be so open and honest here? The same reason I was so quick to open up to you maybe. I crave a listening ear. And I guess I thought that because you seem to have such a great life, you'd have better things to do then come to a place like this. I guess I thought the chances of you actually stumbling upon one of my few posts even if you DID come here were pretty slim. I was giving away IDing details left and right though, damn word vomit. Anyway, I contemplated trying to get my account deleted and having all my posts erased. Then I figured, what's the point? Chances are if you read THAT POST you also already read all my others, not that there are that many.

So ****, now what? I'm so embarrassed. Not that I've said anything actually negative about you (have I? I'm too afraid to go back and check), but I'm just so awkward-feeling about anything I've written at all about you, positive, negative, or otherwise. I'm SUPER EMBARRASSED about admitting to how attached I am to you already and my feelings for you that way. It may be "normal" but there's a reason why I don't admit those things openly in person.

But yeah, I really really like you. I wouldn't invest the time to post here about my therapy experience at all if I didn't. I email you every night because I trust you and know you are not judging me. You've only known me for less than 5 months and you already pay more attention to me than my own mother does.

Is it possible I just made this more awkward if you are reading this? Can we just go on pretending this never happened? Maybe if I'm still seeing you in a few years we'll feel far enough away from it all that we can laugh about it...