So.

Childhood Sexual Abuse.

I don't know if it happened.

I have been told that I told my grandmother that my privates hurt.
I have been told that there was a court case.
I have been told that I told my grandmother "so and so touched my privates".

But all I REMEMBER is my father asking me over and over and over and over and over if it happened.

I have many symptoms of abuse, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything.

Besides things like body/eating/self-injury issues, I was an overly sexual child, masturbating routinely well before puberty... like from age 6 or 7? Deeply ashamed of my body around doctors and such, but ran around naked in my own home constantly until I was probably about 8...

Even writing this post was emotionally exhausting and I didn't say everything I wanted to, and it took me two hours of writing a sentence or two, then browsing the web to "get away" from it...

but yeah. Maybe I'm just making the whole thing up.