Of course, logically, I do not wish to do this (cut). I don't wish to have scars, to feel as though I have no other way to cope, to feel the shame of the act.

At the same time, I don't wish to cease. It is the only thing I am in control of in my life currently. Well, in some control anyhow. It does give me a high, I suppose you could call it. The anticipation, the longing for release and then the calm.

Its all I have. Its not a daily occurrence nor is it remarkably destructive. I'd rather not, but for now it's all I can cling on to.

Does this make any sense to anyone at all?