I am old enough to know that I can't live the Leave it TO Beaver life, but I am really really tired of all the things that go wrong in this ridiculous life of mine. Why is that no matter where I am that everything always seems to fall apart on me? I am just so tired of life being wearisome I want to have some fun again and laugh until the tears run down my cheeks. What happened to those days? I am so isolated from the world and people that I don''t even know what to say to someone when I meet them.. Next weekend there will be a party I think we have to go to and already I am totally stressing about it, I DON"T WANT TO GO!!! What is wrong with me? I am nothing but a total contradiction of myself and it is driving me buggy here... I won't know anyone at this party, my husband will know the majority and then I will get left alone while he plays music with the others who show up with instruments. I just can't deal with any of this, yet I oh heck I don't know Just ranting or something here heck it s not a rant it's not a vent it is a cry for help here. I don't know who or what I am anymore, I have no clue how to talk to another human being besides my man, and even him I have to keep my mouth closed more and more. We spend very little time together anymore, he is very involved in his work and since I can't do much else to support him in life I support his work, and then he always gone. So it is just as much my fault that he isn't here at all... What am I doing? Why am I doing it? I am so lost and so alone and right now have no clue what I am doing... If you have read this far, thank you for at least taking that time for me. Have a good day alright!