((((LydiaB))))

So sorry you are going through this. You are not alone as there are those within that also do continue to harm the body. It is all they know and when triggered or something it is what they know to do. Many times it was a way to feel something other than what was going on around us. Somehow making it our pain and not the pain of what was taking place or could take place.

It is not something talked about a lot for it is too hard to tell anyone. When I come back I find it so hard and frightening. I feel so lost and tears fall that somewhere we still feel the need to hurt. I do understand what you are saying. I had one within that would react to men as she always knew to do. She would start it but when things started getting scary she left and another would take what happened. Then punishment would follow from someone within. When I would finally come back pain and shame filled me. Finally she was made to take what she started and she was hurt and does not do that anymore, or at least not like she used to.

I do hope that you talk with your treatment team and your new t. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. And there is hope to change it with time and reaching out. Finding new ways for others within to help not hurt has helped at times. We have been through enough already. Please take care of yourself and reach out to your treatment team. Not sure if this makes any sense as it is really hard to admit or tell. And I am shaking now.

Just know that you are being heard and are not alone. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps