Checking in and feeling lousy today. It's sunny outside and unseasonably warm, and I know I should feel awesome. Spring is in the air. But I don't feel hopeful or awesome, I feel sad and scared and there is no reason. A possible reason could be that I have depression, actually bipolar disorder according to my health care professional, which I still question. I'm on meds, I sleep, try to eat right, walk my dog briskly, keep busy, work, have a wonderful son and husband, but I'm so sad that I can hardly breathe. You know, that feeling that just slams into you from nowhere? I don't know if anyone can understand that. So what to do about it today? I read the blogs, how to beat your depression and not give in, and it's crap. It does not work. This is physical and debilitating and scary. But, I will now get dressed and go to work for a while and cry in the car and not talk to anyone and probably do something self-destructive later. Bad day.