Thank you all for your kindness. I stayed up most of the night, and I have internalized a lot of this pain....blame myself for having brought up objections (which I had previously voiced in other sessions), and think that my objections were the reason that this T relationship foundered. That makes me so, so sad. I feel like ...had I shut my mouth, I would still have a therapist...but my therapist and I were never a good match....and on some level, I think I knew that at the very beginning but I wanted to think...hey! It will work somehow! This T seems really smart!

But things have been really going south since the Holidays. I feel like my therapist has been really numb and checked out. For example...In the last few appointments, in which I was discussing some really painful stuff that was partially work-related, my T was silent, hand over mouth...smiling. It was kind of hard to bear, and went on and on over several sessions....SO I ASKED...Is this amusing to you? Why are you smiling? What's going on?

Most often, there was no answer. Sometimes raised eyebrows. When I insisted on some response..."oh I'm agreeing." More often, not even that.

So, yesterday, I asked more questions, and got a bit of psychobabble about how I don't feel "seen" or "validated", neither of which strike me as particularly salient in this situation. Just kind of boilerplate stuff. I made it clear that I thought my T was "phoning it in."

All hell broke loose. Lots of angry words on both sides. And here is where we left it....Guess what? I can come in and we can talk about this.
Talk about what?

The lack of connection? Why? I don't see any real reason to do so.

I really really hope there is someone out there with my size.....Thanks LC....and the rest of you.

I would like to try to work with someone else, but increasingly, I wonder if there is anyone who will help me. And that's a very scary thought to have.