You're absolutely right on all counts. To me, sex is just a basic tool in securing/bonding with a prospective partner. After I'm sufficiently close to the person, it seems that I start to abandon it in lieu of more sophisticated tools. It has been this way for me since I started having relationships. But I've only just realized in the last year or so that this is how my mind works, and this is part of why I stop wanting to bother with sex.

I suppose it's a necessary evil to me? Up until this point, it wasn't really something I was conscious of. You're exactly right - sex is just bait/a hook to make someone want to be with me. That's how I learned to use it when I was a teenager. I couldn't get affection from anyone otherwise. I had to trade the sex for the attention and presence of another person. Of course it's only logical that it would cause problems for a majority of people, but I never really realized it or thought about it. Now that I have, it still stumps me that sex is so important to people.

Yes, you're right. I used to think that if I only found "the right person", it would be okay. But it seems that's not the case. I don't want to lose the relationship I have, but I'm also between a rock and a hard place at this point.

I find the fact that my partner makes an issue over sex upsetting. That it has become this major problem in the relationship, to the point of possibly ending it.

Good question. Because I hate feeling pushed or forced into things. I find sex unimportant and fairly meaningless. Knowing that sex has become an issue just fills me with an ever-present dread, too. Even before it got to this point, it was like an axe hanging over my head. I hate the stress and pressure. There are so many other things that are so much more important.

Well, that's a question with a terribly complex answer - I don't know how to answer that in a way that relates to this. But I have gotten to the point that I refuse to allow anyone to force me to do anything, certainly not with threats. If I get threatened, I tend to do the opposite of what the other person wants just to make a point. I try to be strong, independent, and capable. I was helpless when I was younger, and I'm not ever going to let anyone control me or threaten my right to choose again if I can help it. I will not allow my self to be ruined or undermined for what other people want ever again. And they can choke on that. (Sorry, just thinking about it gets me angry.)

Yep, I definitely have control issues - namely not allowing anyone else to control me, come hell or high water. I'm willing to relinquish control a bit with people I care about and trust, but not completely. Things always go very badly for me when people have too much power over me. They can't be trusted with it - not even the people I trust the most.

Why don't I want sex? Hmm. Well, I guess I'm rather cerebral - I live in my head, for the most part. I'm a lot more interested in the emotional and psychological planes of existence. I don't pay much attention to the physical world - it's just a bother, a distraction from what I consider most important. Sex bores me, and it's just gross and kind of sickening. Even if I care about people, I'd just rather not. I mean, you can have sex with anyone, but you can't have a real bond with just anyone. To me, that's the real intimacy, not sex. I feel that sex is just a grotesque parody of intimacy.