Hi everyone. I posted this thread under sexual addictions, too, but this also relates to my history of abuse and I wanted your input on it, so I'll post it here, too.

I made these notes for my T since she asked me to sort of analyze my behavior over my holiday from school. I am a porn/masturbation addict and "Chris" is a guy from a far away state that I communicate through email with on a sexually explicit basis. We also occasionally have webcam sexual interactions. I wanted to air this out here and get some feedback on my notes before T on Tuesday.


I use porn and my relationship with Chris in various ways and situations:
o If I am bored
o If I am lonely
o If I’ve had a particularly hard day with depression
o If I’ve had a particularly upbeat day as a reward
o To satisfy sexual “needs”
o To satisfy curiosity, sometimes
o If I am very tired but cannot sleep
o As an escape—it excites me, distracts me, and gives me a payoff
o To feel validated (with Chris) because he tells me that I am sexy or that I’m a dirty girl/naughty. I feel like I’ve accomplished something positive
o It feels comfortable
o It’s satisfying to know that I’m doing something that everyone disapproves of so much. These days I tend to think of it sometimes as a rebellion against roommates who are often in the apartment while I’m engaging in the behavior. It feels like a giant ***** you.

ALSO, I just realized that I also like my relationship with Chris because he not only accepts my sexual behavior, but he LIKES it.