Quote:
Originally Posted by WePow
I don't understand integration yet either! All I know is that it takes a TON of energy to keep my mind in the here and now. My mind wants to split off. But I am staying here and that makes me feel all the parts of me just being me when things are going on. In the an alter would be angry about something and I was just watching from outside (or not even there). Now I feel the anger and feel my brain want to shift over to the alter who knew anger, but I stay with the emotion instead and I experience it fully rather than leave the scene or watch myself experience it.
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I'm kinda in the same boat as you right now. I've integrated and am now facing emotions and situations I never had to deal with before.
What I will say is facing it by keeping your mind in the here and now is a good thing. I didn't handle integration well. I wanted to be done with everything and so I ignored my problems by disassociating my emotions. Now, due to current circumstances, I have no choice but to deal with the integration and its even more difficult because I have emotions that have built up on top of the old ones.
As for dealing with new emotions, it may seem scary at first but it is well worth seeing through. One of the most difficult emotions for me to deal with after integration was my alters' anger and distrust towards my father. As far as I was concerned, my father and I had a great relationship and while I was aware that my alters didn't like him it never really registered with me. Then I had to face those emotions first hand and completely freaked. I refused to talk to my father for months because I was afraid I would trigger and ruin our relationship. When we finally did sit down and talk everything went fine. I was able to avoid triggering and, while not perfect, I like to think that my father and I are now on a path back to our old relationship.
Integration is confusing, exhausting, lonely and difficult, but I also want to believe that it'll be more than worth it in the end. I want to believe that I'll be a healthier and happier person for it. Good luck and (forgive me if you are not religious) may God be with you.