I am not trying to win a contest, or go fishing for sympathy, but I when I read accounts of others depression, or have participated in groups, I have yet to hear about someone with a similar situation. Mine is not the worst by any means, but I feel even more isolated because of it.

Summary:
-Have felt this way since college, 20 years - not always at the same level but always there, and has been pretty bad multiple times.
-Have yet to have any serious relationship . . . at all. not even close.
-No one incident, or condition caused it, its complete self-disgust
-Have been treating it pretty well the past 6 months, but seem to be relapsing

When I have read about others, many of them are married or have children. I realize that can make things worse, but at least there's some success socially. I've acclimated myself to existing alone for so long now, Im not sure I can live another way, even though I want to.

Anyone have similar situation or thoughts?

Again, just trying for a better understanding. Thanks in advance.