I am a gay man in my 30's, married to a man 10 years older than myself. About 4 years ago I realized that I have an orientation to kink and fetish. During the past 4 years my attraction to kink and fetish has grown stronger, so I definitely don't think it's a 'phase'.

Particularly I am into fisting, large toys, and leather. My partner has told me already many times that he thinks my fetishes are 'disgusting, dangerous, perverted, and unnatural'. I have been watching pornography to live out my fantasies. Because he has told me many times "he wants absolutely nothing to do" with these fetishes. Yet at the same time he becomes very very angry with me when I watch pornography......or even when he knows that I've been masterbating at all. Because of our diverging sexual interests we rarely have sex ourselves anymore. 'vanilla' sex just doesn't do anything for me now.

Since he is the ONLY sexual partner I've ever had......and we seem to have come to such a roadblock.......i have intense desires to have sex with other men. For the past 4 years I have just felt like a disgusting, disturbed and worthless person because I can't control my sexuality. I don't know what to do!!!! I have tried so hard to be 'normal ' and ignore my sexuality... Even trying to force myself to be asexual (which was impossible to do). I have absolutely No one in my life to discuss this with!!

Please does anyone have any words of hope, advice, or optimism for me??? I'm running on empty.....sexuality speaking!!!