Greetings to the valuable members of the community. I'm passively reading the forum for a while now, but just had the need to register and submit my first post today.

I obviously have a problem and I don't know where to start.

I met my current GF on the internet almost 6 months ago. We clicked immediately and since our first date, we've been seeing each other and spending nights together almost everyday. It's been so profound and positive so far and I believe she's the one for me.

I'm 29, been through relationships, longest being 2 years, she's 32, same thing, longest being almost 4 years. At this stage of my life, I'm not looking for games or temporary girls to spend time with. I believe(d) she was the one for me to think serious and take it to the next level with her. Until past two months.

In general, I'm very curious to the level of being "nosy". One day, she wasn't home and I decided to go on the internet. I was going to login to my email but somehow her session was on (we both use Gmail) and her email was in front of me.

After almost an hour of hesitation, my nosiness unfortunately tricked me into reading her emails. I don't know if it's insecurity but I made a search with my name. She's into email a lot, and speaks to her best friends on email, so I found what has been spoken about me between her and her friends.

They were all good stuff. It was generally about how we got along, how nice I was to her etc.

Then in one of the emails she sent during our first month, another guy's name showed up. She was telling her best friend that she had been completely over the other guy.

I am not proud of reading her emails at all but at that point it just happened and I bumped into this guy's name.

So thinking that he was probably her ex, I made a search in her inbox for that name to find out about the awful truth.

They met almost 5 years ago, she liked the guy a lot but he wasn't interested. After 2 weeks, one night the guy randomly invited her to his place and openly told her that he was stressed and he needed relaxation. She said no. But somehow, after sometime, she couldn't resist his charm(!), they got together and had sex..

This guy clearly told her that he wasn't interested in her, but he would sleep with her...She got the best she could (and possibly to trick him into her) and became F-Buddies.

The had sex in and out, they stopped when one of them had a relationship, but they always kept in touch (emailing, chatting once a month or two months) and whenever they were both available, they met for sex. She loved him, he was into some other girl. They relocated but the distance didn't stop them from flying to each other's state or meeting in the middle and spend one night together.

There were 4-5 G-Chat logs, they basically had cyber sex. Wish you were here, I would do this to you, I'm thinking about doing you, I would take you like this, I'm so wet etc. etc. all kinds of dirty talk.

Looks like all of this continued until one month before we met. She flew to his state for work, emailed him telling that she was coming and if he was available. Guy answered yes, they scheduled, met and had sex one night. She even wrote to her best friend that the guy didn't even talk to her at all driving her back to the office.

Coming back from there heartbroken and pissed, she decides to stop all communications with him and signs up on a dating site, meets me and we start our relationship.

All of this is extracted from her emails.

Now there's me having done a terrible thing by reading her private emails, but on the other hand, I don't really feel bad since I learned about all of this.

Of course, I was curious if she spoke to him while we were together. She chatted with him, but it was too short and general like how's the weather.. the topic didn't get to there. There was a couple of chats from him saying "Hi" to which she didn't respond.

So, no foul yet. But she really lost a lot of points after reading all of that. Until then, she was basically "my future" but I just still can't put those words into her mouth.

In one of the emails (2 years after they had sex), she's super happy because she randomly sent him an email asking how he was doing, and the guy remembered her!. She was jumping with joy and telling her friend "Oh my god, he remembers me!". How terrible is that? Now there's me thinking "oh my god. I call this girl "girlfriend"".

So knowing all of this, I didn't change my behavior at all...One day we were talking about us and I told her "There's only two things that can end our relationship. 1, you cheat on me and I find about it, 2, you go look for an adventure and i find about it". Other than that, I wouldn't be the one ending it. We got into some talk and I, very clearly, told her that I wouldn't be comfortable if she spoke to her ex BFs or anybody she was involved with in the past. I said I wasn't doing it and expected her to do so. She said she has no problem with that and past is past.

A couple of days later, her email was open again and I saw that she blocked that guy on her Gmail chat (he was there until then). I was happy that the message got through and she really cares for me.

Then a week later, she was showing me something on her email and I saw that she unblocked that guy and he was online again in her chat list.

I couldn't sleep at all. Late night, I checked her email again to see if they spoke, they did not.

A few days later, he was blocked again.

And tonight, he's online, and I just did another search and saw that he said "hi" to her yesterday but she didn't respond.

All of this back and forth is driving me crazy. I made it very clear with her and I don't even look at other girls on the street, but looks like he's still somehow in her mind and she's blocking/unblocking him on her chat...maybe she's still expecting him to at least say "hi" and not answer for self-satisfaction. But, he is definitely in her mind and she's fiddling with him.

I've been great to her, I put her on top of everything, but I just can't stand the fact that this guy who used her like a cheap prostitute, is still in her mid and she's playing games or expecting something.

The worst part is, I want to yell and scream and spit out everything, but technically, I shouldn't be knowing any of this since it's all in her email.

I'm thinking about confessing that I read her email and learned everything about this guy. I did wrong and violated her privacy, I'm aware of that and I owe her a big apology, but no matter how terrible what I did is, I still can't digest all the things I read.

I would probably get at her for still being in touch with her and tell her that I saw her blocking / unblocking him and i know her mind is busy with him.

So at that point, It'll either be "this is over" or "call me when you are 100% over everything with him" or "I want to have control over your email, phone, everything" which is crazy.

I really care for her and I think she does too, but the things I read are very hard to get over.

I'm having difficulties sleeping, I want to yell out but I don't know how. So I'm sharing all of this with you guys.

Feel free to judge me and tell me I did wrong by reading her emails. I'm not proud of it, but it happened. I'm more concerned about what I have seen inside.

Thank you all