Hello there, and I can really relate to your experiences. For me, working through that list was very painful and triggering. I too get "episodes" when doing this kind of work. I have a suggestion too, and your T may be heading in this direction, but I suggest that you also make a list of all the reasons why the abuse was NOT your fault. My list finally ended with "I was a child." That was all I really needed to give myself. Truly, it was not your fault. You deserved so much better than you got.

I also want to say it sounds like you are working hard and with real courage to face the deep issues of having been abused. That's a wonderful expression of love for yourself and I applaud that. Well done. Keep faith in yourself and you can heal.

Be well,

mtd