Quote:
Originally Posted by stillhealing
My father (75 years old) has NPD. That became very obvious after my mother died a few years ago. Without her around as a buffer, his selfish manipulative behavior was much more obvious, and painful. Many things happened over the last few years, including my father's remarriage 8 months after my mom's death. My 2 siblings and I were very supportive of him after our mom's death, but we were grieving the loss of our mom which my father couldn't quite handle. He needed us all to be focused only on him, and be elated with the fact that he was remarrying. He managed to rally many friends and family members to his side, convincing them that my brother, sister and I (and our kids) were selfish, ungrateful children who didn't want him to be happy. Not true. Extrememly hurtful that people who should have known better believe him. My brother and I decided that it was best for us and our families to discontinue any contact with him. I've made sure to send him cards on his birthday and holidays, and have honored him as much as I can from a distance. My younger sister decided that it was worth whatever she and her family had to deal with in order to have a father in her life and grandfather for her two boys. (My father refused to attend her wedding back in 2001 because we are caucasion and she married a Nigerian.) I've tried to stay connected with her but, because she's living in his NPD world I've noticed a big change in her, and it's obvious that she has a hard time having a relationship with me and my family now. She occasionally tries to make me see how screwed up I am because I'm not diving back into my father's NPD world, but I know what's healthyest for me and my family, so I've ended up having to distance myself, to a point, with my sister too. I guess I'd better stop here. I could go on forever...I'm hoping to connect with other adult children of narcissistic fathers who understand.
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When I read your email it sounds so familiar as I reflect on my own family relationships. I'm paroting Gary's response a bit. My father has NPD which he carried forward from his dysfunctional parents; influencing his choices on how to react and respond to others. I can share with you that I often say to myself that patterns in families repeat. My older brother and younger sister both have NPD like my father. One thing I can tell you about NPD and their disordered character is that they all feel entitle because of their anger, a belief that they are always being victimized and cheated in life by everyone around them. They often attempt to make others around them feel guilty as a means of manipulation and getting what they want. They all lie too. I've stopped askin any questions because they have no integrity left anymore. More recently at 50 years old, they have become so toxic that I have chosen to distance myself much like you have; only sending a monthly email to my mother, b-day cards, mom/dad day cards. I will text my sister but usually can only communicate about senseless things in life. I do not arrange for face to face visits or phone conversations. Its unfortunate that NPD has destroyed my family unit.