I have had feelings that I think might be similar to what you describe. This person is a nasty little excuse for a human being, and he/she rejected me????? What does that say about me? I'm not even good enough for a person like that???? Plus, when I've been set up to be financially dependent on someone, once they're gone, even if it's a relief, it's also difficult, inconvenient, scary.....maybe I really did need them?????
Feels awful.
But lining up your personal safety is the best possible first step. As long as you can be safe, everything else: money, housing, job, legal problems, they can all be worked out. May be a pain in the rear to deal with, but turns out to be worth it in the long run.