it looks like you did a great job of looking at what you're doing with chris. good job! i'm wondering if you want to change your relationship w/chris? or if you just want to understand it better? (you don't have to answer that unless you want to, it was just the question that came to my mind)
sex can make me feel: powerful, manipulative, safe, in control, praised, validated, safe from punishment, wanted, needed.
it can also make me feel: used, scared, abused, out of control, removed, alone, lonely, scared, in pain, in danger.
i'm not very successful yet, but i'm working as hard as i can to eliminate both of these lists. i just want sex to make me feel closer to the person i love. i feel like that's what it's supposed to do, and that's my goal. instead of all the other conflicting feelings.
good luck to you - i hope whatever your personal goal is in looking at these feelings, that you reach it.