Lynn,
Thank you for your awesome response. I can definitely see your point.
I never heard of him before. She never mentioned him or anyone that sounded like him as a "friend". All I could see was the email communication between them, half of which was cyber sex and the rest is superficial talk. They did chat from time to time like "how is life, where are you working etc" and half of them ended with things like "I'm dreaming of you, wish you were here right now" kind of talk and dirtier.
They chatted while we were together (about 2 months ago). Nothing dirty, looked completely friendly, and he was single at the time. I think he still is, hence constantly trying to chat.
Well, I'm not picking on anyone but surprisingly I appreciate the guy, he's the man.. I read one of the emails he sent her basically saying "I'm seeing someone and things are serious with her, I would appreciate if you don't get offended because I stop talking to you". He cut her off when things are serious.
So they don't talk/chat all the time, but she did speak to him while we were together. It was a friendly chat. What does this make them?
I feel very guilty for violating her privacy, but on the other hand it's not like I dug into her inbox and found nothing but innocent emails and said "Oh what have I done".
I do trust her and I don't think she will ever cheat on me. This is the most important thing. But I can't really say that I'm 100% confident since my mind is constantly playing games with me and asking me "if she's happy with me, what is she trying to do by constantly blocking / unblocking him every 2 days on his contact list?"
The guy tells her to stop communicating because he's serious with someone and cuts her off, but my GF is struggling whether she should talk to him or not. Or that's how I see it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynn P.
Hi - you have quite the dilemma here. As you said, reading her emails was the wrong thing to do and now you have the advantage of being privy to her past relationship. Regarding the above statement - some people can do the 'friends with benefits' thing and that doesn't mean your GF was taken advantage of - seems like their relationship was for sexual convenience.
You happen to have high moral guidelines but she may have her own but not necessarily wrong ones. You admit you're nosey, so now you're judging her based on her past and knowing how she interacted with this man. I'm wondering how can you avoid being overly suspicious given what you know? Has she told you about this guy? Are they normally friends without the sex, when she normally has a partner? Also do you feel guilty for snooping and isn't that an act of being untrustworthy on your part?? I'm not picking on you, but trying to help you see that snooping proves, you can hide info and feelings in the relationship.
Do you think you're going to continue being suspicious based on what you know? Trust is one of the main pillars of a relationship - she hasn't broke that trust but you have. I hope you'll be able to enjoy the present with this woman and not let your knowledge of the past, along with your mistrust ruin it.
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