Have you considered relationship / couples counseling? I am gay but am not into fetishes. As mentioned previously, fisting is dangerous for the receptive partner.

I do think that these fantasies are related to CSA because some of these sexual fetishes are very depersonalized in nature - where YOU the person are secondary to the acts. Also, some of them involve pain which may be how you subconsciously view sex being a CSA survivor. You have only watched these acts and have not participated in them. So, there is a chance that you may not actually like them if you decide to go ahead and try them. Some things are very hot to watch but not to experience. Also, they strike me as being loveless in nature.

I don't know if I've answered your questions but have tried to shed some light on things. All the best to you!