I don't know what to say, that must be a scary revelation for you. I am now worried about an acquaintance of mine, who sounds exactly like this when we had conversations. Thank you for posting this, and helping me to realize that something serious is going on with her as well.

I agree with some of the above posts— maybe you just haven't found the right therapist yet, but that's no reason to stop trying. I believe that relationships with therapists are like any other relationship we have with people. Sometimes, there's just a bad fit, but trust me when I say that there are people out there who understand you, someone who is a great fit and can get you on the right path.

You're worth it, to take the time to get a fresh perspective on how you're feeling by someone who is trained and capable in helping you to understand why you're thinking this way. And let's face it, you and none of us are qualified to decide why that is. What's the worst that could happen? Nothing? Then you've lost nothing. But what's the BEST that could happen if you got help? That's worth finding out, don't you think?

You seem to have some clarity on the post that has been scaring you— imagine if you got clarity and understanding about how you're feeling now? and so on? We're all different and have our own problems, but no problem is too big that it's not worth tackling. So post away— we're listening and are here to help in whatever way we can.