"I am an artist, not a scientist, not a mathematician.. no doctor. In terms of actually contributing things of value to this world, my chances are slim to none. In general, my intelligence is precisely how I pull myself from the depths of my despairs- by identifying the cause and eliminating it or counter-acting it. There are positives in this world, but there is a reason they are harder to find- negativity resonates within us more deeply. " quote TheSilentEmapth

Hmmm, me too. I am was very much an artist at your age. And loved writing poetry and brought a pad with me everywhere and observed people and wrote, it came to me like the art came to me, anything in the arts as well as an extreme love for all animals, I don't know what I loved more about them, I loved their beauty, expressions and how they were put together, facinated me from the beginning.

Oh, and I can relate to knowing about other people, picking up on all kinds of things too and remembering all the details, whether I wanted to or not. But I thought everyone was like that which isn't true. My therapist tells me I am extremely intuitive and pick up on things most don't see. Honestly, I could never understand how others could not pick up on what I could pick up on. I never even thought of it as a gift to be honest. But I also had to be that way for a reason, I had see or know the facial signals that meant run to me. I had to know that a lot for as long as I can remember.

Me too, I was date raped and I didn't tell anyone, it resulted in a pregnancy and because it was the son of a very wealthy client of my father's I was afraid to tell, Sigh, I was always afraid to tell or didn't know how to tell. I was wisked away to endure an abortion that was one of the most horrific experiences I dealt with. The changes in hormones alone, all by myself, no guidance. Back then they didn't give anything for pain during the procedure, it was shear hell. And my father was so diappointed in me, still, I was afraid to tell. I finally did tell him about a year ago.
He was very forgiving but I didn't tell him everything I wanted to. And my parents and family have no idea how to understand what the PTSD I have means. I think at this point being in their mid 80's they are just too old to comprehend it. Hey, it was and is hard for me to comprehend and I have it.

The way you can relate to that friend? I do that too, I don't judge the way others do, I don't just use labels myself. I really believe that someone can have all the thoughts and feelings of one sex but the body of another, yes, it must be hell.

I am sorry that you didn't have the nurturing that you needed (((Silent))). That does really effect our ability to connect with others, much like what you describe too. Well, I had a loving mother but I had abusive siblings (CSA) and I was the youngest so I have real trust issues myself. I know my childhood is a big part of who I am today as well, and yes, it is a part of everyone, whether they know it or not, human beings are designed that way.

Well, just because your base is in the arts, don't sell yourself short, your very capable of fanning out from that, more than you know. I think that studying psychology should be good to fit in there as well. Now I am not saying to make that a passion, but, keep it there, even if just for yourself. And because of the way you can pick up on so much about other people, that is also a gift so keep that in mind. It was one of my gifts too, only I didn't know it until the past few years and I am far from 18.
It is mentioned constantly in therapy by different therapists, but at my age I don't want to hear anymore about I should have been this or that or that I somehow missed my calling. Yeah, after years of abusive people telling me to shut up I don't know what I am talking about and then have professionals tell me the complete opposite, does wonders for the psychie at my age.

Personally I don't catagorize hope and optimism as the same. When we buy a lottery ticket we hope we will win. When I work on my recovery with PTSD I am optimistic my brain can be plastic enough to heal in time. Although I know they are very close in meaning, for me optimism has just a bit more to it than just hope alone there is a little bit of justification to it that hope alone doesn't quite have.

So, what kind of art are you drawn to most? What is your favorite medium? What are your favorite artists?

Open Eyes