No there is never any pain involved actually, its more just control i guess. Id have to say ive been abused in the past a few times, i guess you would consider it abuse....ive been harassed and assaulted, and maybe thats why. Thats why i think it may not be healthy for me...but he never hurts me, and believe me its not S+m or whatever its called. Its more like a game...but sometimes it bothers me....dunno still confused.