Hi, have you ever thought about paying a visit to a professional dominatrix? I know there are tons in the San Fran area, but I am sure there are some where you live, you just have to dig a little deeper into it. A professional dominatrix is discreet, anonymous, safe, will do whatever you tell them to do, and it is not considered cheating on your partner. Of course, this is something you should not tell your partner due to your partner's lack of understanding. There are some things you just don't tell your partner if there is no way around it.

As for toys, boy do I have a surprise for you!!! My local sex shop has everything from fake fists to wall mounts to GIANT toys! Personally I like to explore my sexual fanstasies and I use a vibrating life-like dildo for everything, and I mean everything. Go out and buy your own toy and use it on yourself. It does feel really good, especially when you buy two and do double penetration.

Hope this helps