Thank you both for replying. I thought my thread would just fade away into the old threads and would disappear before anyone responded.

Ive seen my normal doctor, who referred me to a urologist. The urologist too thinks its probably peyronie's disease that I have. Sometimes it can heal by itself after awhile (months or years) and other times it never improves, or gets worse. I think what I had was a natural curve in my penis already, and this past month it became injured more which made the bend much more severe. Peyronie's disease is basically when scar tissue forms in the penis and causes it to bend because the blood flow gets messed up. Once the scar tissue settles for good it doesnt go away and the curve doesnt improve. So basically I have to wait at least one year and hope the scar tissue heals itself. If not, the curve will be permanent, meaning sex probably wont be possible for me. I'd then have to try one of a few risky surgeries that could help or could even make things worse by making erections impossible or giving me numbness and lack of feeling due to nerve damage. There is really no good outcome I can see. I either dont get surgery and walk around with a useless deformed penis, or I get a surgery and risk losing feeling any pleasure when I use my penis. Maybe id be extremely lucky and there would be no bad side effects from the surgery, but I dont feel very hopeful.

Im trying to see some light at the end of the tunnel here, but I really just cant. Even if I can satisfy a woman in other ways besides intercourse. I will never be able to feel the pleasure of having sex. Ill always be humiliated and akward when I am in a relationship. Its a huge horrible secret I have to carry. When I sometimes have felt like a girl might like me, I just distance myself, because its only going to lead to disappointment for both of us if things go further. Say we really like each other, eventually the girl will want sex and then I have to reveal my ****** truth to her. Some girls might still stay with me, but I cannot see them being happy being with a man that cant have sex, and of course other girls would probably just leave me eventually because of this issue. I feel like dating a girl would just be lying to her, because I truly am broken. I feel like Id be tricking a girl if I got in a relationship with her. Shed be expecting a normal person, but I will never be a normal person. Ill always be damaged goods basically.

I mean all I can really hope for in my life is to just somehow find a way to be happy enough to keep on surviving. I cannot see my life being anything but numb and empty if all it involves is me working, eating, sleeping and trying to make it to the next day knowing Ill never be normal or as happy as most people. I really just dont know how long I could handle that. I have a small degree of hope my situation could resolve itself now, but eventually Ill know for sure if sex will forever be an impossibility for me. The uncertainty of it is driving me nuts too, since I have to wait at least a year to see if the condition improves. And then if it doesnt I have to decide whether I am going to risk a surgery that could mess me up for life even more.

Dreamy01 thanks for the internet hug heh. I could use a real one pretty badly. I wasnt expecting that a woman would be able to sort of relate to what I am going through. I wouldnt wish this fate on anybody, but I guess it is sort of nice to know that someone else out there understands my pain. Ive been depressed about other things as well, but I am usually able to pull myself out of that hole often and function semi-normally. This realization though that I might never be able to have sex has been too much for me. Every time I see myself naked I break into tears because I cannot help but be reminded of my problem. At night I try not to think about it, but I cant help it and it just makes feel like crap and I freaking cry and feel terrible. I am really considering going on anti-depressents for the first time in my life. I have always been fearful of the side effects, but at this point I dont really care what they do to me. I just want to stop feeling so bad all the time.

I told my urologist that this has been making me extremely depressed because I fear Ill never be able to have sex. I really almost just started crying right there. Think she could tell how sad I was and she tried to cheer me up and said "you will have sex" a few times, but from what Ive read about this condition, I know that she cannot promise that. All she could tell me was to come back in a few months so she could see if its changed and that Id have to wait at least a year before a surgery could be done if I needed one.

Err sorry this is kind of all over the place, Im tired and need to go sleep. But again, I really appreciate you 2 responding. Makes me feel a little less alone thanks.