I have asked before to e-mail my T, and he always wants me to call. But I keep having these horrible nightmares and I am exhausted and I have this headache that just won't quit -- and it's been literally five weeks of this. I am so so so very tired and sick of these nightmares. This morning, I realized I am going to have to tell my therapist about this stuff I have kept secret since forever if I want this crap to stop. But I CANNOT say it out loud. I tried to write it down, and still can't do it. So then I had the great idea of writing it as a story -- as if it happened to someone else -- Once upon a time there was this ugly little girl . . .

So, I called and told him the nightmares are still continuing and I want to e-mail him and then we will talk about it later because I don't think I ever just say it out loud without writing it down first. Then I know he knows and then maybe I can just talk about it. He hasn't called back yet and now I'm concerned I'm annoying him and he's going to be like, "I ALREADY TOLD HER NO, Stupid ***** keeps bothering me." Because that is totally what other people in my life have always done.