I sometimes have this feeling of wanting to ask T to push harder. I suspect I've scared her off of that, though. I'm pretty sure I appeared to only ever have one cheek in the chair for the first year and a half of T, at least, and most days I still feel like running a bit.

Anyway, so I think about asking her to go a little harder on me sometimes, because I do want to talk, but I do find it incredibly difficult, so I do feel like I need help. And I get what you're saying about people-pleasing, sconnie, cause I have a bit of that myself. Still...

I think my T would probably say that this is my process and I'm responsible for taking it where it needs to go. I mean, she can help, but she can't make me say/feel things I'm not ready to say/feel. That's a hard truth, because I also want her to rescue me or be my mom or whatever. I want to feel like she cares. But she's right (or, what I imagine her opinion to be is right). It's not something she can or should force me to do. It's all on me.

--2or3

PS: Take all this with a giant grain of salt, I guess, because I get hugely resentful and judgemental when people ask Ts for some form of caring and get it. Blech. I feel like I want and need caring, but also feel like I'm a grown adult who shouldn't be asking for it from a T. So I get angry or something when other people do.

PPS: Was this at all helpful? I really do hope so, or at least that it wasn't harmful.