I'm getting worse at managing relationships, particularly when it comes to making new ones. Like, with friends? I've been abandoned by people I made friends with so many times - and the last few times, they were people I'd been friends with for a long period of time, people I'd gotten to some depth with.

I have a fairly new friendship that I'm working on building now, and I simply CANNOT relax. I keep feeling compelled to pick or push, to interrogate, to withdraw, to do SOMETHING. I want to grab this person and yell, "Why don't you love me yet?? Make up your *******ed mind or get lost!" Which would not be very conducive to continuing friendship! I'm feeling some aggression and hostility rising as I begin to believe that this person is "holding out" on me. It has only been a couple of months, AND she's an internet friend.

I realize this is unreasonable, but I don't know how to stop this process, nor do I know how to calm it. I desperately need human caring and connections right now, but I feel even less equipped to deal with them than ever before.

The more desperate I become, the faster they run. The faster they run, the more I freak out. It's a vicious cycle. I feel so rejected and unlovable. Am I not supposed to be a person?