I have read that suicide is generally something that is done impulsively. It is not something where you sit there and intelligently weigh out all the options. it's more 'spur of the moment'. Almost without thinking. I will admit though that when I am most compelled to act on it, I truly believe I am hurting nobody at all. I am totally convinced that there isn't a soul on earth who would miss me. So, in that headspace, it would not be considered selfish. Not a good idea, because what if one or two amazing things happened to turn your life around? You would miss out if you didn't stick around for those to happen. I am actively seeking those things out. Those one or two things that make all the difference....an exceptional T...an exceptional relationship...some transformation that happens just from living and learning.