I have not been myself in quite a while... August of 2011 I came fallin hard from an all time amazing high.. the depression worsened over the next few months and in November... week after thanks giving, I decided I was finished, I put my kids to bed, kissed them good night.. . No tears, no more sadness, no stress, and no more hurting my family. Finally I was gonna be at peace, Something I have never experienced, My Bipolar has been with me as far back as I can remember...... I dont remeber anymore of that night or the next 5 days.. WHY did she have to show up.. why did I open the door for her?? now here I set, alone. No family, No freinds, No meds, No kids, No happiness, No highs, No lows, No emotions, No hate, No love. Day in and day out, I ask myself what Im doing? I dont leave the house, my kids dont come home anymore, Im pretty much useless, I have no reason. Everyone is gone and Im still here. Life is passing me by. This unfamiliar feeling, I dont think I know it. I dont sleep, I dont eat, I dont laugh, I dont cry, I am just here. Why did she show up that night? I could be at peace. . .