I know that things were "hidden" and put away from me for years. It's something that t and I dealt with.

I've come so far in healing and am ending therapy in one month and continue to get blasted sometimes in my world. I guess that the years of unawareness will possibly always have the ability to bite?

My daughter was cleaning out her closet (it used to be my room), and up on the top shelf way back to the back was an envelope which contact information from an attorney. This gets much more detailed. This attorney used to be my boss and it was a very different situation.

Anyhow, she brings it out and hands it to me with questioning eyes. My hubby saw her reaction so was watching while I opened the envelope.

At one point, I'd seen an atty (THE atty-the ex-boss who was then a judge) regarding divorce and had also had a police report run for an apt. bldg. in another area eight years ago. I couldn't explain. It hurts. My husband was hurt.

Also, though, it shows me how different my life is today and has been for several years now, and just improving.

I still have no memory of some things...this is one. I have so much now that I didn't have. I guess that which I don't have now, I'll never have. T agrees that might be possible.

It was just such an "in my face" thing at the point I'm at right now. I will probably always have reminders in some way of a fragmented, separated life.

It kinda is making me somewhat hypervigilent again and wanting to go through the entire house for anymore surprises. However, I'm not. I've accepted what/who I was and who I am now. In doing that, I have to accept that what/who I was is part of who I am today...

Still bites sometimes...It's still so frustrating and confusing sometimes. I mean it was eight years ago. Why can't I just go ahead and have the information so that I can at least give myself and my husband some explanation? Just ugh...

I guess I "own" my life today, but may never fully own my past?

KD