Dear T:

I changed my journal writing. I want to show you the change - actually show you the change in my handwriting. Before it was all nice and neat - just in case you read it. But you told me you would never ask to read it. So I don't know why I felt the need to continue to carefully plan out my writing in there.

That all stopped after last session. I don't what happened at the end, but I feel like you were upset with me. Your reaction felt so cold and I felt very, very small. I was afraid to even speak when you were taking my payment. I didn't know how to process that because all I could see was my side. I didn't have a chance to ask what was going on. So I came home and started journaling nicely and then it all came pouring out - uncensored and raw. And I liked the feeling. At first I hated what I discovered about myself doing this, but now I am thankful for it.

I want to share this change with you, because now I feel ready. I feel ready to tackle that buried stuff. I feel like some block has been lifted for me- like I am finally ready to feel things - but I want you there with me to help me process and help me push through - because I am terrified of getting stuck again.

Even though I am really concerned about how last session ended, I want you to know I really do trust you. More than I trust anyone else with all this darkness I have inside me. You see the part of me no one else does.

Me.