That's definitely the problem - how to rewrite the programming. Especially when it keeps getting reinforced.

You're so right. Like you said, it's better to drive people away before you get too attached, however unintentional the behavior(s) may be. Because it's so very damaging to be rejected for who you are, for being honest about things. At least if you know you're not trying your best and haven't shown your vulnerabilities, it won't be quite so awful when the inevitable rejection and abandonment occur.

I also avoid telling people things to avoid receiving the criticism and negativity!