(((((((((((((((KimmyDawn)))))))))))))))

When I used to ask things like "when will I be done with this mess?" I was told that eventually I will have full and total recall of my life.

The memorys got stored separated into my unconscious. The neurons in my brain that contain those memory impulses didn't get physically damaged like someone getting physically hit in the head in a major car crash type situation.

It may seem like the same type of amnesia but with DID the memorys do return. I just can't predict the when. But the bottom line is that they do come back.

Which is why that professional believes I will be in therapy for years. In most DID clients it usually takes a minimum of 10 years of therapy (without the client leaving therapy for breaks for whatever reason.).

I may have learned how to speed up the process of therapy for DID by doing all aspects of the therapy for DID (memory recall, sensory stimulation, locating and taking care of triggers and so on) at the same time so I am accomplishing things a bit faster.

But the ultimate "when will I be done?" depends on how many pieces of memories my brain separated and stored at the unconscious level.

The least amount of separated memory pieces this professional had worked with in one DID client was 15 and the most was close to 200.

He told me that instead of looking at the number of how many we are finding and taking care of the triggers to but to instead automatically consider that I may very well be one of the worst case scenerio people that have close to 200.

That way the number of separated memories that we are finding does not overwhelm me and neither does it when the "out of the blue" memorys come or the "out of the blue" reminders that there is still more that I don't know yet comes along.

Someday those out of the blue situations will no longer happen to me because I will have full, total recall of my whole life. But that could be tomorrow or 20- infinity number of years from now.

This is why I never say any more that I am "done and cured and don't need therapy anymore" I may reach a point where my therapist and I think I will be fine without being in therapy but that does not mean I will never need therapy help in the future which is one of the reasons why SKR when she first found out that she was laid off due to government cut backs wanted me to choose a new therapist - even though my therapy program was now totally self monitoring and self accomplishing some things could come up in the future that I could not work on on my own and she did not want me to be left hanging on waiting lists and so on.

By choosing a new therapist I now have that therapy connection already established so that when I get hit with things out of the blue or something happened I can not handle instead of making lots of calls and being put on 6 month - 3 year waiting lists All I have to do is make one call to set up an appointment. and go to it.

Even though I did not want to choose another therapist 2 years ago I am glad that I now that I have LL just a phone call away if I need her.

For the past two years most of our appointments together were just the chit chat touching base of hi, how are you? fine kind of things.

I have had a 2 year break from doing the harder work while LL was catching up on what my self made therapy program is and the things that SKR and I were doing together and just "touching base".

Now I am at a point where its time to do some more work on the things that SKR and I were doing together. My sessions are becoming more involed as for content of what my therapist and I are doing together, and the sessions are going to get longer and or more so that with LL's help I can get back into the actual memory recall work.

Establishing a new therapist doesnt mean I was too sick to be without a therapist it just means I wanted that safety net to be already established - just in case.

Suggestion - there is still time for you and your therapist to establish that safety net just in case one of these "out of the blue" situations turns out to be a bit overwhelming, mind boggling and so on.

Another suggestion - even if you decide right now not to establish that safety net please keep in mind that in the future you can enter therapy again if needed. It doesn't mean you are crazy, and you should have been able to prevent the back sliding if it comes down to having to go back into therapy. It is just the process of what therapy for DID is. Without the coming and going DID's are in therapy usually for a minimum of 10 years. It just takes longer with breaks, and many more therapists to get the job done to reach full and total memory recall.

Hang in there. Im here for you and you can pm me here or send an email to the posted email address - which also has instant messenger with it.