I wonder if anyone has any ideas about how to reduce intense angry feelings directed towards oneself?

I generally attempt to distract myself but it never reduces the anger and I always feel it boiling away underneath waiting for any split second for the numbness/distraction to end so it can boil over. Sometimes all I feel distraction does is put off the inevitable or allow time for the tension to increase.

At times of deep self hatred and anger deep breathing and relaxation are not really a possibility as I am so hell bent on destruction that my adrenaline is pumping around my body. Also, as awful as it sounds, I don't really want to be kind to myself either because, although I know I don't deserve punishment, a part of me is calmed when I do something that is self-destructive.

I had a few new distraction ideas on a list today but how long do I distract for? My emotions seem to last till forever! I can distract myself for long periods (especially at work) but it doesn't get rid of the emotions. I can be very impulsive but also perhaps very dissociated from my feelings at times too after long periods of distraction. I think may be I'm missing the next part which is actually dealing with the emotions.... How does one deal with emotions?

I know it is advised that people 'ride out the wave' but for me it can feel as though there is no end to the wave - or if I don't 'deal' with one feeling it simply adds onto the next wave until the wave is too overwhelming I have no choice as distraction won't work.

So if anyone has any ideas how to deal with or reduce self hatred/anger then that would be great!