Dear Dear (((((((((( genn ))))))))))))

I can only imagine how difficult this is for you and your alts as well hon. As a good friend with someone who is also DID, I can give you some perspective from a friends point of view when something like this happens.

Over the years I have known my friend, I have been tested and tried many times by those within. Many times it was to see if I was really their friend. Many times, they said things because they were scared and protecting themselves and also trying to protect me by pushing me away. And sometimes, depending on who was doing it, said things that were very hurtful and tried to break up the friendship. I think, the only way you will know for sure why someone in your system is doing this is to have as much communication as you can with them.

It was difficult at times when my friend's alts would argue with me or say things to me or write things to me that were very negative and pushing me to get angry or push me away even. I didn't know at the time that this was what was happening, I thought it was really her saying these things. We didn't find out for a couple of years what had really happened, which alt it was and why they did what they did. Once we figured it out, it made perfect sense and we understood it. Understanding it doesn't mean it makes it right, but it definitely helps.

Once we knew who was doing what, communication became much easier as well. We were both able to explain what we meant and why and even how it hurt us. We learned a lot and became much more aware of different situations and triggers. It also helped my friend to be able to set some ground rules with those inside. She was able to tell them what kind of behavior was unacceptable and how they could communicate without being hateful/hurtful to both of us.

It is hard for people to understand what DID is all about without explaining why you are DID. Maybe the best thing to do for some friends is give them something to read about how someone becomes DID. That way, you don't have to go into details of what happened to you specifically (unless you want to that is). Sometimes the answers don't come easily, if at all at a specific time. Sometimes it's on a need to know basis and not everyone needs to know. In a perfect world, it would not matter and everyone would be able to be a good friend to someone who is DID. I have to say that it takes a lot of work, a lot of dedication, a lot of understanding and acceptance and a lot of love to be a friend of a DID'er. But you know what? It takes that in a friendship with a non DID'er as well!

I can say this, I am ever so grateful for having my friend in my life. She is a beautiful person who has a loving heart. She has brought so much to my life and taught me much, not only about herself, but about me as well. I wouldn't trade her for all the tea in China!

Another thing I can tell you is this, my dear genn....please be patient with yourself and with your friends. It takes time to work through these kinds of issues. Sometimes people will stay in your life and sometimes they won't. It all depends on what they can handle and what they can't, or won't for that matter. Know that there are many kindhearted and loving folks out there who will accept you for who you are. It just takes time to find them.

I hope I have helped at least a little bit. Pm me if you have any questions okay?

Be well genn!