I've had decades of depression, meds, therapy. I'm glad you're in a program. it seems to me my meds have fueled a lot of my ups and downs. I'm tired of the roller coaster and would like to get off already (wait, that sounds worse than I meant). I mean I wouldn't mind riding the boring old train at this point.

I've seen some talk of ECT in the other treatments section. I can guarantee you some girl will post that the CIA will put a tracking device in your brain if you get ECT (seriously, she pops up in every related post with that comment and it cracks me up!). there seemed to be 1/3 positive comments and 2/3rds negative comments relating to it. you need to seriously investigate it and think hard. it sounds very extreme, but that may be what you need. what does your docs think about it? have they had a lot of positive results with it?