**Triggering***

I've never had a really big encounter with an ED personally, as I never use to consider myself fat or anything. I wasn't happy about how I looked, but lately it's moved past that, to I'm not feeling good about how I look. More than mentally. I feel bloated, and fat, and disgusting. I feel like I've eaten too much after a few handfuls of peanuts or something. I rationally know it's ridiculous, but I still can't help that is how I feel right now.

I started throwing up a little bit when I get like this, despite trying not to. I know I shouldn't, and that this is going to make me fall into stuff I don't want to fall into, but my meds are making it so I'm always hungry, and I can't lose weight. I was on Seroquel and now on Lithium. A friend (ex bf) mentioned to me that I'd gained weight from meds, and I knew it was a biased thing because he's struggled with ED's before, but it's hit really hard. I feel like I can't wear any of my clothes because I feel fat, and if I sit I look even bigger. And the worst is that I feel fat. Like I can feel how much my stomach is swelled, and how much more I think I weigh. I don't own a scale so I know this is all i my head... or is it?!

I feel like I'm going crazy and I just want to stop this now because I don't want to get into this world. I've seen friends hurt from this, and I have a friend going through this right now. I don't want to go there... but I seem to be anyway. I just want be normal; I have too many issues already.