Before I even reply, If its ok, I really want to give you a very safe caring hug. (((((((((Switch)))))))))))))))))). There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. The truth is, we are all different and each person responds differently to trauma, yes and Im calling it what it is, people calling you names like that and not treating you with respect is trauma and abuse, whether you liked it, wanted it, thought you deserved it. Whatever it was, it is abuse and it deeply scars people.

Perhaps what people are used to is someone who becomes repulsed by the abuse and is afraid. But sometimes when I find my abusers being nice to me, I purposely trigger them to hurt me because it feels like its what I know, and its predictable and I dont have to worry about having someone hurt me by accident..I would rather they hurt me and it be my fault they hurt me..I would rather it be my fault and be able to make sense of a situation that does not make sense!

What you are describing is normal, your feelings are valid. People dont need terrible traumas to start from three years old to be affected..one single event can really hurt sometimes for life.
So what you went through, with men has distorted the way you perceive yourself, and how you relate to others. I think from reading this,

it sounds like you want safety, in the context that you know it in..In the context you were conditioned into, you want safety in the world of hurt.
You are a beautiful person, smart, and pretty and not any of those hurtful things you called yourself. You are NOT an object and you did not deserve that treatment.

Please take it easy on yourself Switch ..I am here and caring, caring lots ((((Switch)))))

Im so sorry this has to be so hard.