I know how you feel, Switch. I was physically (& possibly sexually) abused as a kid, mentally abused throughout my life, & have also been involved in multiple 24/7 D/s relationships.

Subjugation helps me to connect on a personal level. It makes it okay to be vulnerable & weak, so that my partner can access the deeper aspects of my psyche... But it can come at a cost, because sometimes, the wo/man has no intention of bettering you as a person. They are looking for satisfaction for their own insecurities & using you for your own individual weaknesses. There are definitely some good ones out there, but they are hard to find. VERY hard to find.
What you REALLY need to find is yourself & someone who loves you for you. Not as an object. Not as a sex toy. You need to genuinely connect the deeper, darker parts of yourself to someone & forge trust that doesn't lead with sexuality or sadomasochism... After you have that, there's no reason you can't still get your satisfaction from being humiliated or objectified. Sometimes that's just a purely sexual thing & there is nothing wrong with expressing that. However, if that is your way of avoiding any real problems, you're only serving to hurt yourself. (And not in the good way!)
It's all fun & games, serving a master, until you hand over full control of your life. A 24/7 commitment rarely ever works. A relationship is a relationship... And when it's spent with only one party being acknowledged as a human being & the other's identity being essentially neglected, that is very unhealthy. It's hard to, but you eventually learn to separate fantasy & reality. What may sound great as a fantasy only leads to disaster when it is put into play.

There *can* be a balance between being a loving servant & still being acknowledged for what makes you an individual. But before you can find a place of love & respect for yourself, you're only going to allow yourself to suffer & deteriorate. I put up with a lot of ******** for the sake of my masters just because I thought that unconditional obediance was my only option. But YOU come first... A dom is just a person until he has someone willing to be submissive. It ultimately revolves around you & your own willingness to keep your needs in mind before you can properly attend to someone else's.